Always Wanting, Never to Understand

I feel that connection:
i hear it, taste it, sense it in ways i may never understand.
it provokes me,
kinks me,
tells me riddles without answer
until i can feel the rising urge to flee,
to say its not there,
to deny this sacred bond
and stay safe down here
invulnerable and distant.
My ego craves completion
and yet...
I am not finished here,
not complete nor in a state of understanding,
so my silly little cravings will have to wait
until some higher level math
equips me with the tools i have yet to learn.

Mysteries of the Forwards Momentum

spiraling, teetering,
vanquished heart and eyes
falling upon such precious portals
before they're whisked away.

too too much is never enough
when the craving is for chaos;
it begins as a dance to conjure wholeness
only to dwindle into the other side
of a space kept in between.

aching, probing,
passion is pouring out
into a puddle
that collects beneath my bed at night.

Roots that bind my feet, Fire that licks my skin

There is an intruder in my mind;
her skin is so soft
as she tells me that its not enough.
Another monster set loose upon the world,
though this one is mine.
Every move I make is followed
by inevitable doubt and
always always always

Dissatisfaction like DMT
lifting us out of the atmospheric ego
into clouds that sink low behind the horizon.
Steeping my water into mud,
such bitter tea
that drinks me down.
Hate found its way inside.

When is time going to change?
I'm ready.