.

I have the capacity to transform
pain into affection,
sorrow into sound,
wisdom into altruism,
fire into meditation,
loneliness into compassion.

I am more of a vessel than a husk,
despite my prior misinterpretations.

Voracious Pounding

I've made a mistake
I came calling
When I wasn't welcome

The signs were wrong
Or maybe I misunderstood
I could have simply asked
But now the answer speaks for itself

I'd hoped we might begin
A story worth the time
But rather than regret
Instead I'll just write this

Perfection is formless
It is force and momentum

Although some deny its existence
I can't help but find myself
Heart racing,
trying to catch a glance
without being seen

Perfection is imagination
Given form and so so much weight
But only while it lasts
Which is fleeting at its best

Perfection is unapproachable
For those who seek the kind of romance
That lives and dies inside;
I can't imagine any other way

False Truth Serum

Untethered positivity in proximity 

Spouting validations meaning absolute shit to me.
Sharing careless vulnerabilities
Like a manic mental patient ill at ease.

Why does my drugged proclivity
Stand at odds with what I'd really be
If you caught me on my daily routine?

Vapid ponderances expelled at a rapid pace,
With just enough truth mixed in that I won't reject the taste.

Fuck this drug and fuck these empty encounters,
I'd rather be my usual self-obsessed anxious downer.

the tendril that binds us has thorns

i feel you in here
twisting and writhing
unborn potentials
left to fester

in my dreams
my protection spells
are nearly muted
and now something is calling
me to find you

but i just fucking cant do it

I Wont.

the pattern of injuries
has left me older
and scarred beyond recognition
but none of it is worse
than rejecting
what very well could have been
my other half

moon states

Be gentle with your self
its the only one you'll get

I deeply and completely accept myself.

~

how do i break the habit
of pushing people away
its hard to find an interest
in the things that others say
i wish i could relate
and find the time to care
but instead I focus inward
and retreat back to my lair

~

ive had it once before
and lost what i could see
was something all too fragile
as a chosen family
i cant pretend to know
what lies in store ahead
for now i sit and hope and wait
alone beside my bed

Trinkets

Fast
waters
Rushing in
Towards a distant
Point of mild interest and
She was giving me a look that I
would not care to forget
The water level
Is still
Rising
High

I see you in here, shaping this soul
scraping the edges and reinforcing confusions

Oh dark and bitter plane
I can feel your contortions upon the clay of my mind

Unweave the spiral to find the line
It will only end
At the whim of your complacency

Perhaps one day I will find a romantic connection that is synergistic with my personality and behaviors. These instincts have been whisper this in my ear.

You think you can fool me?
Challenging my spirit, forcing my mind into the dark realms of comparison and envy, making me lazy and useless in the shadow of my own potential. It was a clever attempt, but I see you lurking behind my eyes, describing my life's positions over and over again then whispering, "what will you become, little flower?"

We Want Out

Scratching at the door
To this coffin
That we had built
With these very hands

Locked in to something
That we can't escape
Though our minds might waver
As these visions clear

Time is running out
As the air thins
But no one can hear
Our calls for help

I must ask:
When is it that I'll be truly alive?
Did it happen already or is it happening still?
Perhaps it is something that cannot be,
though there exists a feeling deep inside
that inspires me to believe
that I will never know.