Scratching at the door
To this coffin
That we had built
With these very hands
Locked in to something
That we can't escape
Though our minds might waver
As these visions clear
Time is running out
As the air thins
But no one can hear
Our calls for help
Album conceptualization v55.5
I've been circling around the answer for months:
My artistic focus has not been about the DMT dream state that precedes the death of the flesh, rather the deep-hibernation type of dreamy/lazy slumber that waits for me in the waters of complacency and resistance. But that is only a partial context; this sleep is also an innate and instinctual aspect of my survival; it is ironic that our sleep seems to mimic our death.
Doing nothing is the death of potentiality in some ways, and is the acceptance of our nature in another. It is the sirens song of sleep that separates us from the sensation of global momentum, even as we travel around the sun at an identical speed to the planet we slumber upon.
The kind of death that is impermanent, selfish, and ritualistic. The kind of death that fuels the life of the one instead of the many (microbes).
"After a long period of deep, introspective (even death-like) comatose span of inaction - the bear emerges, victorious and driven to sustain its life (and a ravenous focus on food after hibernating)."
It is a dualistic function; eating to defecate, inhaling only to exhale, loving only to lose. Our sleep is both a denial of consciousness and actionable intention, as well as the fertile soil in which we sow our next day's crop.
I wish to summon the sensations of the deepest (feeling) levels of sleep, being lost in a dream, being paralyzed as the mind wanders and the body cannot, the feeling of disassociation with ones immediate environment and the simultaneous regurgitation of ones perceived environment.
I wish to provide a lullaby that beckons as the sirens song might, lulling the adventurer into a dark cave with no walls and no signs to guide them out in panic.
I wish to represent the weightless freedom of unshackled arms in a realm with obtuse motivations and physics.
My artistic focus has not been about the DMT dream state that precedes the death of the flesh, rather the deep-hibernation type of dreamy/lazy slumber that waits for me in the waters of complacency and resistance. But that is only a partial context; this sleep is also an innate and instinctual aspect of my survival; it is ironic that our sleep seems to mimic our death.
Doing nothing is the death of potentiality in some ways, and is the acceptance of our nature in another. It is the sirens song of sleep that separates us from the sensation of global momentum, even as we travel around the sun at an identical speed to the planet we slumber upon.
The kind of death that is impermanent, selfish, and ritualistic. The kind of death that fuels the life of the one instead of the many (microbes).
"After a long period of deep, introspective (even death-like) comatose span of inaction - the bear emerges, victorious and driven to sustain its life (and a ravenous focus on food after hibernating)."
It is a dualistic function; eating to defecate, inhaling only to exhale, loving only to lose. Our sleep is both a denial of consciousness and actionable intention, as well as the fertile soil in which we sow our next day's crop.
I wish to summon the sensations of the deepest (feeling) levels of sleep, being lost in a dream, being paralyzed as the mind wanders and the body cannot, the feeling of disassociation with ones immediate environment and the simultaneous regurgitation of ones perceived environment.
I wish to provide a lullaby that beckons as the sirens song might, lulling the adventurer into a dark cave with no walls and no signs to guide them out in panic.
I wish to represent the weightless freedom of unshackled arms in a realm with obtuse motivations and physics.
husk pondering
a cream-filled vessel going spoiled
thermometer with an attitude cracked spilled and swept away
collections of memories slipping into entropy
ordered operations and collected chaos becoming uncollected
becoming and dissolving
thermometer with an attitude cracked spilled and swept away
collections of memories slipping into entropy
ordered operations and collected chaos becoming uncollected
becoming and dissolving
New Lyrics
We seek this eternal light
that only exists in our minds eye.
A promise itself is a lie.
These are my thoughts when I'm too high.
~~~~
You take my side
to recollect our lives,
instead of flying
out into space and time.
You think you're gonna come
It's already begun
We do not need to wait
You have begun your final day.
Now tell me why
you can't be sacrificed
one look inside
would open up your mind.
Still waiting to believe
in something you cannot concieve
no fighting entropy
You have begun your final sleep.
that only exists in our minds eye.
A promise itself is a lie.
These are my thoughts when I'm too high.
~~~~
You take my side
to recollect our lives,
instead of flying
out into space and time.
You think you're gonna come
It's already begun
We do not need to wait
You have begun your final day.
Now tell me why
you can't be sacrificed
one look inside
would open up your mind.
Still waiting to believe
in something you cannot concieve
no fighting entropy
You have begun your final sleep.
Entropy 1
One need not summon entropy
for our fates are woven into our traits
and desire can only adhere for so long.
The moon remains unbloodied
while the soil drinks us back into our true homes.
Whether or not we're to agree that meaning survives
outside the realm of our suppositions,
no key might ever be forged that could open our minds
wide enough to tell the difference.
Each night we taste eternity.
Tomorrow is a lie.
for our fates are woven into our traits
and desire can only adhere for so long.
The moon remains unbloodied
while the soil drinks us back into our true homes.
Whether or not we're to agree that meaning survives
outside the realm of our suppositions,
no key might ever be forged that could open our minds
wide enough to tell the difference.
Each night we taste eternity.
Tomorrow is a lie.
I remember a time in my young life when I frequently felt like the ideal future path of humanity would usher in togetherness, harmonious homeostasis, and compassion.
Now, with the help of some perspective, I am just beginning to see that there is no secret pocket of untapped virtue within the vast majority of us. The living eat the dead and the collective voice of my people is turned in on itself rather than belting out some angelic exaltation to the heavens of our potential for social cohesion.
I see that it is ignorant to look past the shackles and into the eyes, or at least it is certainly not the just thing to do.
It's hard for me now to conceptualize the world I would like to live in, for this world confuses me and has disenfranchised and distorted my connection to the unifying spirit of shared hope that I once sought with confidence.
What do you
accept through?
In time here
it seems clear
that you should
open your heart.
It's true that
there's more... that you could do
to make truth
exude
when you do your part.
Put out your arms and let us in x2
The true embrace
will seek no names
only a guide
between the flames.
Turn to your kin
as arms extend.
You know that you... must let us in. (for this medicine)
Worshipping this entropy
Letting you wash over me
Until we share the air we breathe.
There is a time and place
to squeeze,
but please make sure you reach out
consensually
Respect, the virtue we believe
its not too late to give and to recieve.
Put out your arms and let us in x2
accept through?
In time here
it seems clear
that you should
open your heart.
It's true that
there's more... that you could do
to make truth
exude
when you do your part.
Put out your arms and let us in x2
The true embrace
will seek no names
only a guide
between the flames.
Turn to your kin
as arms extend.
You know that you... must let us in. (for this medicine)
Worshipping this entropy
Letting you wash over me
Until we share the air we breathe.
There is a time and place
to squeeze,
but please make sure you reach out
consensually
Respect, the virtue we believe
its not too late to give and to recieve.
Put out your arms and let us in x2
Terrorize my insides little bird
i've been pent up like you've never seen before
Living in an incubator, so warm in here
and the cold world outside moves more quickly
Propped up by these tawdry goals and nothing else
while the rest of me consumes the worlds away
My cheeks are the cushions all carefully placed
before the show goes on just outside of my view
i've been pent up like you've never seen before
Living in an incubator, so warm in here
and the cold world outside moves more quickly
Propped up by these tawdry goals and nothing else
while the rest of me consumes the worlds away
My cheeks are the cushions all carefully placed
before the show goes on just outside of my view
two dead
family got a little smaller
and my house lost a friend
Erik i didnt know a damn thing about you
and now its gone
i dont know how to feel
except to say that it is horrifying
to think of the situation of how you were found,
and to consider a life extinguished...
one day later i am greeted home
by the glowing but dead eyes
of a feline acquaintance
i had so enjoyed.
The pool of blood
is still drying out front.
family got a little smaller
and my house lost a friend
Erik i didnt know a damn thing about you
and now its gone
i dont know how to feel
except to say that it is horrifying
to think of the situation of how you were found,
and to consider a life extinguished...
one day later i am greeted home
by the glowing but dead eyes
of a feline acquaintance
i had so enjoyed.
The pool of blood
is still drying out front.
Love doesn't heal love doesn't help
It won't change the core
It doesn't teach a person to be better
It won't change the core
It doesn't teach a person to be better
It is fucking garbage
A poison
Toxic sludge pumping through my veins
A poison
Toxic sludge pumping through my veins
Love is primal
And basic
And violent
And selfish
And basic
And violent
And selfish
Fuck your brain and it's dishonest chemistry
Love will not strengthen
Love is a weakness
It is a comfort that distracts from true progress
Love is a weakness
It is a comfort that distracts from true progress
Fuck you and your broken minds
Fuck me and my broken hearts
Fuck me and my broken hearts
this time, walk into my mind
all the way inside, this could be the best tonight,
this could be the best to-
with your hands over your eyes
welcome to your life
You were always on my mind
this time, we dont have to run, we can stay awhile
and smile half the time
this time, we can comprehend that its all been done again.
oh i can never end
all the way inside, this could be the best tonight,
this could be the best to-
with your hands over your eyes
welcome to your life
You were always on my mind
this time, we dont have to run, we can stay awhile
and smile half the time
this time, we can comprehend that its all been done again.
oh i can never end
half-state
half-state
where you're open again
calling out
flashing slivers of lip
crumbling thighs
and all the while
greeting rain
with a thirst
too multifaceted
to pleasure away
hallucinatory middle-ground
where its never enough
and the stakes are all odd
and the need is calling
calling
where you're open again
calling out
flashing slivers of lip
crumbling thighs
and all the while
greeting rain
with a thirst
too multifaceted
to pleasure away
hallucinatory middle-ground
where its never enough
and the stakes are all odd
and the need is calling
calling
My gratitude is pulsing with the kind of color
that follows the good fortune
of having this time to heal
There is no connection to preserve
other than the tendril attaching
this soul to the earth
This circumstance is conducive to a greater worship
that would see me standing tall, wings outstretched
in an unmistakable exaltation towards today
that follows the good fortune
of having this time to heal
There is no connection to preserve
other than the tendril attaching
this soul to the earth
This circumstance is conducive to a greater worship
that would see me standing tall, wings outstretched
in an unmistakable exaltation towards today
Tidings
this is the point when my words become used
in efforts to conjure the totems of a satisfied existence
that may be waiting patiently along my path ahead.
the words that i will speak and write from here on out
will form the framework of the life i must possess
the emotions that dwell behind me
have done me no service
and must be released
~
Here I am, sweet supple world of chaotic wonderment
It is I, a strange traveler, seeking madness
like the juice pouring from the corners of your lips
seeks it's way to the dirt below
What next kindred spirit might sing in harmony
outside the courtyard of my time
I beckon you in,
glorious vessel,
so that you might nudge me
closer to that which i've sought
We shall marry our arms
in the sort of congregation that
only we could ever follow
in efforts to conjure the totems of a satisfied existence
that may be waiting patiently along my path ahead.
the words that i will speak and write from here on out
will form the framework of the life i must possess
the emotions that dwell behind me
have done me no service
and must be released
~
Here I am, sweet supple world of chaotic wonderment
It is I, a strange traveler, seeking madness
like the juice pouring from the corners of your lips
seeks it's way to the dirt below
What next kindred spirit might sing in harmony
outside the courtyard of my time
I beckon you in,
glorious vessel,
so that you might nudge me
closer to that which i've sought
We shall marry our arms
in the sort of congregation that
only we could ever follow
she returned from the island
pregnant with chaos
apparently logic is flammable
nothing could calm it
chilling sense of no return
our affections could not survive
i am grateful for the others
sex and attention can distract the pain
and get me far enough away
now there's a chance for healing
even when it gets lonely
better this than living a lie
pregnant with chaos
apparently logic is flammable
nothing could calm it
chilling sense of no return
our affections could not survive
i am grateful for the others
sex and attention can distract the pain
and get me far enough away
now there's a chance for healing
even when it gets lonely
better this than living a lie
She was already gone
in a soft pack of whys
like the glimmer of dawn
that lived deep in her eyes
Much better my heart
silenced facing the rest
than a quivering mind
and a long-spoken chest
She had always been gone
something fleeting and wrong
She had always been gone
to a fanciful place
to the eye, inner peace
spoken truth, inner hate
My body is old
with a definite wish
of a keep holding back
if a falling amiss
in a soft pack of whys
like the glimmer of dawn
that lived deep in her eyes
Much better my heart
silenced facing the rest
than a quivering mind
and a long-spoken chest
She had always been gone
something fleeting and wrong
She had always been gone
to a fanciful place
to the eye, inner peace
spoken truth, inner hate
My body is old
with a definite wish
of a keep holding back
if a falling amiss
grand (dream)
the air quivers in delight
as my fingers find those precious keys that sing in harmony,
eyes closed, mind adrift,
in this darkened respite at the edge of some distant festivity
I remember the electric sense of reverberation
and my skin prickled and hair stood on end;
it was as though my body and mind had found
some predestined pathway to nirvana
in those intuitive intervals and notes
played for no one but my self.
as my fingers find those precious keys that sing in harmony,
eyes closed, mind adrift,
in this darkened respite at the edge of some distant festivity
I remember the electric sense of reverberation
and my skin prickled and hair stood on end;
it was as though my body and mind had found
some predestined pathway to nirvana
in those intuitive intervals and notes
played for no one but my self.
the violence that might become (dream)
blasted from the sky, feeling the inertia without all the noise of moving this fast
plunked into shallow water that somehow cushions my vulgar impact
i belong to this creek now as i am washed away
until there is a light with an ominous context
i reach out with my voice and the light is extinguished as a form emerges from the shadows behind
as all inertia has taken form if only to creep me the fuck out
as i am flung into consciousness by some figment in my sleep
plunked into shallow water that somehow cushions my vulgar impact
i belong to this creek now as i am washed away
until there is a light with an ominous context
i reach out with my voice and the light is extinguished as a form emerges from the shadows behind
as all inertia has taken form if only to creep me the fuck out
as i am flung into consciousness by some figment in my sleep
i don't belong here
the world is chauvinistic
and wants to dominate my smile
tiny golden glimpses between the fence
to validate something different
yet its all bullshit
just a distracting hopeless lunge down
im not that way,
or at least i dont know how to be
at least i'm lucky enough
to suffer only discomfort and confusion
there are lives and lines
that carve much deeper into such pain
Kenopsia
Like two point blank shotgun blasts to the cranium,
each request left little to the imagination.
She had always been too quick, too brash
for him to keep up on any level she would allow;
and here it was,
drawn out for him on the mental equivalent of yellow snow,
the tumor-ridden husk of a once sanguine attraction
lying doubled over at the threshold of this tiny house.
She was free now
to chase the bigger and the better,
as her pleas had been fulfilled
by his total evacuation from
any shared plane of interaction.
He had forfeited the whole world to abscond,
even if it had been more her style
to participate in this mass delusion most call life.
each request left little to the imagination.
She had always been too quick, too brash
for him to keep up on any level she would allow;
and here it was,
drawn out for him on the mental equivalent of yellow snow,
the tumor-ridden husk of a once sanguine attraction
lying doubled over at the threshold of this tiny house.
She was free now
to chase the bigger and the better,
as her pleas had been fulfilled
by his total evacuation from
any shared plane of interaction.
He had forfeited the whole world to abscond,
even if it had been more her style
to participate in this mass delusion most call life.
Sticky Kleenex
In reality she couldn't be farther away from me,
but in my dreams she is always hiding just out of view.
Until she remanifests without effort
to present me with distressing visions
of a life I will hopefully never tangibly endure.
Last night was too damn much.
I Must Escape You...
... and it's easier to hate than to miss
This petty rage is unwieldy
and much more inclined to give in to doubt
than to maintain sufficient indignation
It was never a matter of betrayal
though the tension was bolstered to bursting
under the weight of such vacuous deception
In truth only zealots
poised to promote pure chaos
would seek the higher ground
around this labyrinth of flooded trenches
that spans between us
Consenting to resuscitation
can no longer remain
a viable option
if any semblance of prosperity
is sought to survive
All the more precarious
as though made tangible
near-lethal waves of raw magnetism
grasping and poised to eradicate
all progress towards complete withdrawal
So once left to the devices
contained in thoughts of the malevolent and bitter
faithful absention might allow for the degree of dispersal
required to lead each towards unique designs
in the struggle to unearth a worthy legacy
auburn
fifteen minutes worth of purge
hair sprinkling into the sink
i wash it all away
and become what's underneath
hair sprinkling into the sink
i wash it all away
and become what's underneath
September
The Threesome that Never Was
Open city, winding roads;
a mattress on the floor with friends.
They giggle and speak
something that my ears cannot see.
My imagination kicks into gear
and will not be silenced.
Like a child on his way to ice cream,
there are plans and calculations,
a certain coming to terms with the fact
that these two individuals
seek to reclaim a primordial legacy
in the joining of our wombs.
And like an all-too-familiar dream,
chances are dashed, new plans chrystalized,
and out the door we go
as the mattress sinks out of view behind us.
Open city, winding roads;
a mattress on the floor with friends.
They giggle and speak
something that my ears cannot see.
My imagination kicks into gear
and will not be silenced.
Like a child on his way to ice cream,
there are plans and calculations,
a certain coming to terms with the fact
that these two individuals
seek to reclaim a primordial legacy
in the joining of our wombs.
And like an all-too-familiar dream,
chances are dashed, new plans chrystalized,
and out the door we go
as the mattress sinks out of view behind us.
Mermaids a'Plenty
She is as dangerous as Atlantis,
sunk by force and left to swim.
I can taste the bitter spray
of an ocean hungry for submission,
I feel the quiverings of failure
painted across my face.
I cannot grasp the land
below these boiling waves,
sunk by force and left to swim.
I can taste the bitter spray
of an ocean hungry for submission,
I feel the quiverings of failure
painted across my face.
I cannot grasp the land
below these boiling waves,
Lean In
I am quickly realizing that there is no rulebook for a life like my own; no examples to follow, no martyrs to miss. I am changing all the time.
And always, beneath the thoughts and fumbles of basic daily comings and goings... beneath the rigor of sentient existence lies a pressure pushing me out of this worldly womb into the temperamental arms of spiritual transformation.
And always, beneath the thoughts and fumbles of basic daily comings and goings... beneath the rigor of sentient existence lies a pressure pushing me out of this worldly womb into the temperamental arms of spiritual transformation.
}}}
I am a song
I am a breath between words,
an exclamation
only lasting for a few heavy moments.
I am what I've become
I am a breath between words,
an exclamation
only lasting for a few heavy moments.
I am what I've become
Stifled
back into a corner
playing footsie with the antithesis of success
lopsided smile
all the way down
There's a kind of lightness to these days,
lost in addictions,
comfort in decay.
I am still a creature of habit,
underneath true compassion
lies nothing.
Clutching at straws
banged up knees
faded mind approaching something far away
Loaded up with (this) circuitry
a spinal alien feel
back into a corner
playing footsie with the antithesis of success
lopsided smile
all the way down
There's a kind of lightness to these days,
lost in addictions,
comfort in decay.
I am still a creature of habit,
underneath true compassion
lies nothing.
Clutching at straws
banged up knees
faded mind approaching something far away
Loaded up with (this) circuitry
a spinal alien feel
the call
this planet is screaming my name,
soil shifting in agony to impart some partial plot,
sinews clenching somewhere soft.
she is howling with partiality,
shivering and lost in some foul-mouthed tantrum,
shooting magma and heathens high into the air.
black goddess of this drooling earth,
whose high court is dressed in the tawdry silks
of a violence that slumbers in us all;
be not unkind in your beckoning,
for there is an unravelling that accompanies
this having of a mind.
soil shifting in agony to impart some partial plot,
sinews clenching somewhere soft.
she is howling with partiality,
shivering and lost in some foul-mouthed tantrum,
shooting magma and heathens high into the air.
black goddess of this drooling earth,
whose high court is dressed in the tawdry silks
of a violence that slumbers in us all;
be not unkind in your beckoning,
for there is an unravelling that accompanies
this having of a mind.
these days
there's a tension that i'm coming to terms with;
a subtle underlying pressure
that I am past the point
of vibrancy.
How jaded can one get
before it's too late?
Another voice chimes in,
reminding me that change is inevitable
and that I would prosper from the embrace
of this current trajectory away from the naive thirsts of before.
Perhaps it is natural for me to reject the parameters of hedonism I once sought out,
to less recklessly seek for the warmth of this heart's cravings,
finding motivations guiding me away from inebriation
and closer to forming and achieving some distant dream.
Reminded that any life can go in wildly different directions without warning,
I am comforted by the fact that
I might still have a chance
to become new
and,
if I am truly lucky,
to become whole.
a subtle underlying pressure
that I am past the point
of vibrancy.
How jaded can one get
before it's too late?
Another voice chimes in,
reminding me that change is inevitable
and that I would prosper from the embrace
of this current trajectory away from the naive thirsts of before.
Perhaps it is natural for me to reject the parameters of hedonism I once sought out,
to less recklessly seek for the warmth of this heart's cravings,
finding motivations guiding me away from inebriation
and closer to forming and achieving some distant dream.
Reminded that any life can go in wildly different directions without warning,
I am comforted by the fact that
I might still have a chance
to become new
and,
if I am truly lucky,
to become whole.
No More Medication
These tired eyes are burning,
my lungs straining to gulp down air,
toxic blood pushed through my toxic heart.
I have been escaping since before I can remember,
too many years of conditioning my behavior
until I'm left with unbreakable habits.
I want to be alive again,
free thoughts and
better breath.
Oh my darling cannabis,
you dance around the altar of my hopes,
leaving no penance for the crimes of indifference that you've inspired.
To the sweet leaved tobacco plant,
I leave you my lungs, skin, and whatever else you'll take anyways;
Such foolish trust maintained for such a pitiful reward.
So many more actions without cause
and yet so full of repercussions,
leaving this husk cracked and without hope to recover.
my lungs straining to gulp down air,
toxic blood pushed through my toxic heart.
I have been escaping since before I can remember,
too many years of conditioning my behavior
until I'm left with unbreakable habits.
I want to be alive again,
free thoughts and
better breath.
Oh my darling cannabis,
you dance around the altar of my hopes,
leaving no penance for the crimes of indifference that you've inspired.
To the sweet leaved tobacco plant,
I leave you my lungs, skin, and whatever else you'll take anyways;
Such foolish trust maintained for such a pitiful reward.
So many more actions without cause
and yet so full of repercussions,
leaving this husk cracked and without hope to recover.
middle
fettered ties to an ugly past
all of the air is sapped from the room as i am lost to the memories
i do not understand where i've come from or why
this identity cannot relate any longer
all of the air is sapped from the room as i am lost to the memories
i do not understand where i've come from or why
this identity cannot relate any longer
A Quick Look in the Mirror
I am a gentle, sensual giant
with an eye for the bizarre.
Hard to understand,
even harder to enjoy,
I waddle my way into trouble
without a moment's hesitation.
I love too hard,
smoke far too much,
and lie as though its going out of style.
Attraction and repulsion
are the two shades of my charisma,
and I have yet to find the grey.
I used to love myself;
now I struggle to climb
towards some happy medium.
At least it's all a joke,
though the punchline is rather harsh.
with an eye for the bizarre.
Hard to understand,
even harder to enjoy,
I waddle my way into trouble
without a moment's hesitation.
I love too hard,
smoke far too much,
and lie as though its going out of style.
Attraction and repulsion
are the two shades of my charisma,
and I have yet to find the grey.
I used to love myself;
now I struggle to climb
towards some happy medium.
At least it's all a joke,
though the punchline is rather harsh.
Morning's Reflections on a Lover
With the wild look of a wounded animal she looks out farther than she can see
into the dark valleys of raw oblivion.
She must have been sculpted by God's only daughter, for every skin-covered inch
is worthy of worship.
Her movements haunt my memories like a specter of desire; countless legions of my genetic material
have fallen in her honor.
Only found when she is lost, she reminds me that there can be
no stable ground under foot.
She is elusive at best, yet I have the urge to pin her down
and explore her fears.
Until that potential infinity, I will remain in the stasis of desire; in my mind she
is mine, if only for a moment.
into the dark valleys of raw oblivion.
She must have been sculpted by God's only daughter, for every skin-covered inch
is worthy of worship.
Her movements haunt my memories like a specter of desire; countless legions of my genetic material
have fallen in her honor.
Only found when she is lost, she reminds me that there can be
no stable ground under foot.
She is elusive at best, yet I have the urge to pin her down
and explore her fears.
Until that potential infinity, I will remain in the stasis of desire; in my mind she
is mine, if only for a moment.
Carrying this Ambiguity
Confusion say too many things to hear,
my ponderance sparkles in her clouded eyes.
How am I to ride in silence?
This is the purgatory of mutual disinterest,
weighing equal minds that speak of magnetism;
is this repulsion or were we never quite that close?
The rain soothes me,
when it is foggy, cold, and dark
I don't feel so alone.
The visions are of some slight consolation;
I have seen something tangibly inspiring,
Some transformation I hope to achieve.
Until then I'll remain wrapped up tight
In this silken blanket of Winter's wants,
Eyes open in search of opportunity.
when it is foggy, cold, and dark
I don't feel so alone.
The visions are of some slight consolation;
I have seen something tangibly inspiring,
Some transformation I hope to achieve.
Until then I'll remain wrapped up tight
In this silken blanket of Winter's wants,
Eyes open in search of opportunity.
March
Evolution of the game,
away from the concrete dimensions
of a stable trajectory.
Weightless,
bound only by the confines
of this flesh-born comprehension.
By what title
might the coming transformation
be defined?
These are the fires of enlightenment
that swell to consume
the crumbling remains of virtuosic purpose.
Hope must remain that true passion can withstand
even the most raucous turbulence,
for in this life we are to be surprised.
away from the concrete dimensions
of a stable trajectory.
Weightless,
bound only by the confines
of this flesh-born comprehension.
By what title
might the coming transformation
be defined?
These are the fires of enlightenment
that swell to consume
the crumbling remains of virtuosic purpose.
Hope must remain that true passion can withstand
even the most raucous turbulence,
for in this life we are to be surprised.
Scin
everyone is just doing their best
i am trying
she said
in the background of your stance
is another missed chance
to make things right
and so it was
we were children again
except for all this baggage
we hoisted around
just in case
~
i care too much
and its only ever
in a certain way
my selfishness
has been catching up
to the place
that i thought i would have left by now
~
i am beginning to forget
what i once decided
my self to comprise
nasty habits
and the resounding
effort to see
i am trying
she said
in the background of your stance
is another missed chance
to make things right
and so it was
we were children again
except for all this baggage
we hoisted around
just in case
~
i care too much
and its only ever
in a certain way
my selfishness
has been catching up
to the place
that i thought i would have left by now
~
i am beginning to forget
what i once decided
my self to comprise
nasty habits
and the resounding
effort to see
fuck you for failing me
oh strangling tethers of my heart;
grasping for what's missing
as my lungs starve and crumble.
no more chances at growing old together,
of holding wrinkled hands
in the blinding brilliance of the sun
as it crests into our view.
this image floods into my thoughts
like the napalm of old mistakes;
the bitter and illogical musings of an emotionally turbulent man
stuck between his mind and his affections.
Year of the Horse
why's it been so damn long?
it's almost as if these words didn't need me to say them.
i've been feeling and learning like never before,
so it is peculiar to move forwards without a supple channel of rhetoric to chant my frictions.
more things coming so profoundly into focus these days,
like the power of my heart
and the chance to move on.
It's all so dangerous,
fresh, invigorating, and sometimes even appropriately sketchy.
I am open
shining brilliantly
gathering the seashells of my affections
into the castles of a mirthful court.
it's almost as if these words didn't need me to say them.
i've been feeling and learning like never before,
so it is peculiar to move forwards without a supple channel of rhetoric to chant my frictions.
more things coming so profoundly into focus these days,
like the power of my heart
and the chance to move on.
It's all so dangerous,
fresh, invigorating, and sometimes even appropriately sketchy.
I am open
shining brilliantly
gathering the seashells of my affections
into the castles of a mirthful court.
Sinking Further
Lessons unlearned,
oh bitter theme of our endeavours.
Our souls must be giggling infectiously,
watching you and I so foolishly bickering.
They can see that this physical realm holds no tangible path
that we might share,
hand in hand to heart to heat.
~
It's a hard road you have to travel,
old friend;
I do not know how you will fare.
This could have gone differently,
my inner voices of hope and reason gently remind me.
Too much chaos twists our minds from stillness.
oh bitter theme of our endeavours.
Our souls must be giggling infectiously,
watching you and I so foolishly bickering.
They can see that this physical realm holds no tangible path
that we might share,
hand in hand to heart to heat.
~
It's a hard road you have to travel,
old friend;
I do not know how you will fare.
This could have gone differently,
my inner voices of hope and reason gently remind me.
Too much chaos twists our minds from stillness.
oh supple teat of exaltation
I'm fuckin jazzed up like nobodies business
Heart chakra boogie foot is the flow of my feels as my smile simply grows.
Heart chakra boogie foot is the flow of my feels as my smile simply grows.
Down the Chakras and Back Again
I haven't seen a thing
so much to come,
no ground to stand on
debris like this life that I've lead
falling rubble to the earth
in the scope of such mind-bending adventures
of the futures near and far,
one little entity could ever determine what this is.
The nature of this consciousness
confounds and diffuses my understanding.
I am weightless underneath this burden of total freedom.
I am dissolved and open.
so much to come,
no ground to stand on
debris like this life that I've lead
falling rubble to the earth
in the scope of such mind-bending adventures
of the futures near and far,
one little entity could ever determine what this is.
The nature of this consciousness
confounds and diffuses my understanding.
I am weightless underneath this burden of total freedom.
I am dissolved and open.
Marital Dichotomy
You break me down,
yet I crave your build.
You hurt my everything,
yet I want for your healing touch.
You stifle my strengths,
yet in your arms I am happy to be vulnerable.
You destroy my self-worth,
yet your gaze builds me up.
You lie and manipulate until my intuition is useless,
yet my trust for you has somehow remained.
I cannot speak to others about you without cruel and unforgiving words,
but when our eyes meet my thoughts dwell only on affection.
I hate you with my mind,
though my soul is always in love.
yet I crave your build.
You hurt my everything,
yet I want for your healing touch.
You stifle my strengths,
yet in your arms I am happy to be vulnerable.
You destroy my self-worth,
yet your gaze builds me up.
You lie and manipulate until my intuition is useless,
yet my trust for you has somehow remained.
I cannot speak to others about you without cruel and unforgiving words,
but when our eyes meet my thoughts dwell only on affection.
I hate you with my mind,
though my soul is always in love.
Frantic
From one extreme to the next,
when does your soul get a moment to relax?
Sorrow's hands grip your caramel neck
only until rage bursts out of every crevasse.
Choose your path with intention,
you fool.
when does your soul get a moment to relax?
Sorrow's hands grip your caramel neck
only until rage bursts out of every crevasse.
Choose your path with intention,
you fool.
:flip 180:
Transformation can be so aqueous,
wet,
twisted,
and immediate.
One moment drenched in apathy,
another soaked in sweat and promise,
only to so vehemently dissolve
into two people with no love held between them.
And now,
to marvelously exemplefy my theory
that Zeus is hell-bent on fucking with my life,
the desire has returned.
Ambiguity is my cradle,
coherency my grave
and here i sit on top of it all,
looking down at the great rumblings of lands far away.
wet,
twisted,
and immediate.
One moment drenched in apathy,
another soaked in sweat and promise,
only to so vehemently dissolve
into two people with no love held between them.
And now,
to marvelously exemplefy my theory
that Zeus is hell-bent on fucking with my life,
the desire has returned.
Ambiguity is my cradle,
coherency my grave
and here i sit on top of it all,
looking down at the great rumblings of lands far away.
Rejection answers the wounded growl,
revealing in its wake
an assembly of expectations in every direction.
Like a rip tide seducing me further from the shore,
these experiences remind me
that the flow of nature is immediate and righteously overwhelming.
I am out here paddling,
breathing like fire
as the moment grip my spirit
in its aqueous palms.
Live or die are not the options right now;
keep swimming,
moving,
pumping force to stay afloat,
no need to understand
or define this task at hand.
She is a bitter body, that ocean of my dreams;
keep swimming,
moving water with my feet.
Emissions-Free
To be honest, it does sting a bit to speak her name, though it also reminds me that this little sting is all that is left of the stab in my side. Healing happened without any pretensions. Now, a tiny little pinch on the corners of my hearts might not be so bad; stay awake, good sir, don't forget what you have righteously abandoned.
~
I realized something yesterday, and it punched right through my inebriated fog like a tidal wave amidst the sea:
I have found true and sacred love. It unfortunately has so far been held in the wicked winds of ones so corruptible and full of malevolence, but the heartwarmth itself stretches far beyond the grasps of those that seek its distortion. I dont love these human women, or at least I haven't yet. I am connected, instead, to the sweet supple Greater Spirit; Gaia finds her outlets in the tongues and hearts of all of us. I can most profoundly observe her web wrapped around the souls of those I share the most intimacy with, it seems.
~
I once put my hand to her chest and felt my raw, undistorted essence ripped like a sonic boom out into the ethers of existence. I see more clearly in this moment of reflection that this conduit I encountered was not one simply shared between two earth-bound vessels on the bed in my room; I believe something reached out to grab me, show me the stars up close, only to throw me back into the physical realm with the force of a thousand salty tears falling into an ocean of embers still glowing from fresh conquest.
~
Speechless; I reflect with shifty eyes on other such momentous experiences I've shared with the assorted characters that have clumsily drifted through the channels of my heart.
And I can tell that I am here
to keep swimming, always onwards.
Flap those weary wings, my love,
and embark further into this magical realm
towards the light of new potential
and the heat of new epiphanies.
<3
~
I realized something yesterday, and it punched right through my inebriated fog like a tidal wave amidst the sea:
I have found true and sacred love. It unfortunately has so far been held in the wicked winds of ones so corruptible and full of malevolence, but the heartwarmth itself stretches far beyond the grasps of those that seek its distortion. I dont love these human women, or at least I haven't yet. I am connected, instead, to the sweet supple Greater Spirit; Gaia finds her outlets in the tongues and hearts of all of us. I can most profoundly observe her web wrapped around the souls of those I share the most intimacy with, it seems.
~
I once put my hand to her chest and felt my raw, undistorted essence ripped like a sonic boom out into the ethers of existence. I see more clearly in this moment of reflection that this conduit I encountered was not one simply shared between two earth-bound vessels on the bed in my room; I believe something reached out to grab me, show me the stars up close, only to throw me back into the physical realm with the force of a thousand salty tears falling into an ocean of embers still glowing from fresh conquest.
~
Speechless; I reflect with shifty eyes on other such momentous experiences I've shared with the assorted characters that have clumsily drifted through the channels of my heart.
And I can tell that I am here
to keep swimming, always onwards.
Flap those weary wings, my love,
and embark further into this magical realm
towards the light of new potential
and the heat of new epiphanies.
<3
Always Wanting, Never to Understand
I feel that connection:
i hear it, taste it, sense it in ways i may never understand.
it provokes me,
kinks me,
tells me riddles without answer
until i can feel the rising urge to flee,
to say its not there,
to deny this sacred bond
and stay safe down here
invulnerable and distant.
My ego craves completion
and yet...
I am not finished here,
not complete nor in a state of understanding,
so my silly little cravings will have to wait
until some higher level math
equips me with the tools i have yet to learn.
i hear it, taste it, sense it in ways i may never understand.
it provokes me,
kinks me,
tells me riddles without answer
until i can feel the rising urge to flee,
to say its not there,
to deny this sacred bond
and stay safe down here
invulnerable and distant.
My ego craves completion
and yet...
I am not finished here,
not complete nor in a state of understanding,
so my silly little cravings will have to wait
until some higher level math
equips me with the tools i have yet to learn.
Mysteries of the Forwards Momentum
spiraling, teetering,
vanquished heart and eyes
falling upon such precious portals
before they're whisked away.
too too much is never enough
when the craving is for chaos;
it begins as a dance to conjure wholeness
only to dwindle into the other side
of a space kept in between.
aching, probing,
passion is pouring out
into a puddle
that collects beneath my bed at night.
vanquished heart and eyes
falling upon such precious portals
before they're whisked away.
too too much is never enough
when the craving is for chaos;
it begins as a dance to conjure wholeness
only to dwindle into the other side
of a space kept in between.
aching, probing,
passion is pouring out
into a puddle
that collects beneath my bed at night.
Roots that bind my feet, Fire that licks my skin
There is an intruder in my mind;
her skin is so soft
as she tells me that its not enough.
Another monster set loose upon the world,
though this one is mine.
Every move I make is followed
by inevitable doubt and
always always always
questioning.
Dissatisfaction like DMT
lifting us out of the atmospheric ego
into clouds that sink low behind the horizon.
Steeping my water into mud,
such bitter tea
that drinks me down.
Hate found its way inside.
When is time going to change?
I'm ready.
her skin is so soft
as she tells me that its not enough.
Another monster set loose upon the world,
though this one is mine.
Every move I make is followed
by inevitable doubt and
always always always
questioning.
Dissatisfaction like DMT
lifting us out of the atmospheric ego
into clouds that sink low behind the horizon.
Steeping my water into mud,
such bitter tea
that drinks me down.
Hate found its way inside.
When is time going to change?
I'm ready.
Sorcery to Quell the Bitter
I had just narrowly escaped the wrath of the Goddess of Libido
When these sun-scorched eyes beheld a vision of another entity just inside the scene.
A well traveled skin holding tightly to such raw sensuality;
perhaps too few hands had grasped greedily for what innocence laid below.
Our minds found a quick conduit into an intellectual dimension
Whose infinite potentials held great promise
As the words danced from our tongues into a glorious synthesis of new hopes and the quest for harmony.
I felt a flutter yet unknown within this head of mine:
New ground covered by the whimsical assumptions I could not refrain from constructing.
I saw pure white light coursing through our naked shining bodies as we danced in fields untouched by plow or mind.
Another chance at purity so quickly followed my rejection from harmony
That it almost breathed the name of the Great Fate
And I'm tingling, hoping that this delusion is no less real than any other.
When these sun-scorched eyes beheld a vision of another entity just inside the scene.
A well traveled skin holding tightly to such raw sensuality;
perhaps too few hands had grasped greedily for what innocence laid below.
Our minds found a quick conduit into an intellectual dimension
Whose infinite potentials held great promise
As the words danced from our tongues into a glorious synthesis of new hopes and the quest for harmony.
I felt a flutter yet unknown within this head of mine:
New ground covered by the whimsical assumptions I could not refrain from constructing.
I saw pure white light coursing through our naked shining bodies as we danced in fields untouched by plow or mind.
Another chance at purity so quickly followed my rejection from harmony
That it almost breathed the name of the Great Fate
And I'm tingling, hoping that this delusion is no less real than any other.
Surfriction of Aptitude
A sudden surge of clarity, as though my brain just came online for the first time in ages. I feel the great potential within that I once held with so much faith. A lot has happened since my first rebirth to cloud my intellect and self-confidence. My intelligence is not lost, not yet; not by a long shot.
I now recall the inner-echo: I can rise to any occasion without faltering impotently.
Has it really been that long since I last felt capable of enduring any challenge I might face? Have the bitter poisons of love and loss truly exiled me from myself to this distance?
No neat ending to this one, folks, for I must clammor on and keep moving; ahead, forwards, onwards, up and out... Life will not dissect such ambiguities, nor will I in this case.
I now recall the inner-echo: I can rise to any occasion without faltering impotently.
Has it really been that long since I last felt capable of enduring any challenge I might face? Have the bitter poisons of love and loss truly exiled me from myself to this distance?
No neat ending to this one, folks, for I must clammor on and keep moving; ahead, forwards, onwards, up and out... Life will not dissect such ambiguities, nor will I in this case.
Brahman's Restoration
I am an eye
searching consistently for epiphany
yet concurrently,
I blindly have believed what appears to be.
My vision becomes a religion,
embellished by minds that are not like mine,
constructions that define the world that they find,
someone else's broken paradigm.
my senses ominously
shift my intuition to accept the slavery,
this constant subjugation by a corrupt society.
ah, and its so much easier to fade lazily
into a jaded state escaping entropy
building ignorant beliefs out of in-betweens,
and what might soon be.
Then again, those with choice only believe that they're free.
~
Hegel claims that consciousness is desire;
the craving, thirst enslaving quest for fire
that ignites the tongues of liars
to project this conspiracy.
As the social mind injects my self with conditioned needs
I lose my sacred dignity.
As a member of the greater flow
my contribution is what i know
I have a chance to shift the view
of who we are and what we do.
we can change the words that we pass down,
the hopes to hope, the dreams unfound;
together you and I can build
a higher consciousness that is fulfilled
by each of us that lasts until
an even-higher goal can test our will.
And it starts right. now. with us:
With the rejection of outmoded fallacies
through the election of a stronger mentality
spawning freedom from the malady
of a lost potentiality.
We can work towards the escape
from inequality, ignorance, and hate.
We were put here to save the next wave
of parents, learners, scholars and burners,
those who will compile their perspectives
from our actions as a collective.
This is a revolution of the mind
that reconnects us to our spines
in the hope that we might find
a balance in our hearts aligned.
searching consistently for epiphany
yet concurrently,
I blindly have believed what appears to be.
My vision becomes a religion,
embellished by minds that are not like mine,
constructions that define the world that they find,
someone else's broken paradigm.
my senses ominously
shift my intuition to accept the slavery,
this constant subjugation by a corrupt society.
ah, and its so much easier to fade lazily
into a jaded state escaping entropy
building ignorant beliefs out of in-betweens,
and what might soon be.
Then again, those with choice only believe that they're free.
~
Hegel claims that consciousness is desire;
the craving, thirst enslaving quest for fire
that ignites the tongues of liars
to project this conspiracy.
As the social mind injects my self with conditioned needs
I lose my sacred dignity.
As a member of the greater flow
my contribution is what i know
I have a chance to shift the view
of who we are and what we do.
we can change the words that we pass down,
the hopes to hope, the dreams unfound;
together you and I can build
a higher consciousness that is fulfilled
by each of us that lasts until
an even-higher goal can test our will.
And it starts right. now. with us:
With the rejection of outmoded fallacies
through the election of a stronger mentality
spawning freedom from the malady
of a lost potentiality.
We can work towards the escape
from inequality, ignorance, and hate.
We were put here to save the next wave
of parents, learners, scholars and burners,
those who will compile their perspectives
from our actions as a collective.
This is a revolution of the mind
that reconnects us to our spines
in the hope that we might find
a balance in our hearts aligned.
Contradictions and other Non-Opposites
I'm swimming... I am the water.
I am confused
Down below the bubbles
(those toxic tensions rising towards the air above),
we all still float, sink, and hold our cherished breath beneath the skin.
She is a shark, a serpent's kiss, a rogue molten jet of aqueous lava
boiling the water until it bathes us little fish with fire.
I am underneath the surface
unable to swim
even for my life.
I am confused
Down below the bubbles
(those toxic tensions rising towards the air above),
we all still float, sink, and hold our cherished breath beneath the skin.
She is a shark, a serpent's kiss, a rogue molten jet of aqueous lava
boiling the water until it bathes us little fish with fire.
I am underneath the surface
unable to swim
even for my life.
My Greatest Moment Yet:
Making love by the light of the full moon whilst juggling alligators in tiny rocket ships brought back from the future to liberate our minds with the healing power of advanced alien lazer-beam gumbo which often comes with an unfortunately small side of corn bread that was baked in the wood-fire oven of a particularly ornery ex-Tony Danza impersonator who evidently is unable to return the many messages i have left him since that first romantic evening that he held me to his remarkably tender and supple bosom until I felt like I was back in the womb again, though only for a moment.
Narcosis
Deep slumber
dreaming of the weight of waking
returning
for that bittersweet feel
until my soul dissolves
like the veins of a junkie
love like a needle
words like the blackest tar
rushing towards my defenseless mind
at the speed of my heart's contractions
same destiny
different path
under my skin
dreaming of the weight of waking
returning
for that bittersweet feel
until my soul dissolves
like the veins of a junkie
love like a needle
words like the blackest tar
rushing towards my defenseless mind
at the speed of my heart's contractions
same destiny
different path
under my skin
fleeting moment as i'd seen you
pass out and then i'll die here.
everything inside
the silence that opens us.
felt feeling with kiss before,
except I had not
yet been in such moments.
spoken word, empty thought, as
the tensions rise we
crumble like the flesh we are.
L Dmt
Watching an explosion at a distance
but there's no shielding the heat from our faces.
Reds like blood and Oranges bursting like flame,
marked up madness pouring over every pore.
Certainly there are hopes dashed on the sidelines of this experience,
some other narrative pushed to the border.
Wild, though, passion ignited furiously;
spilling out, pushing past the edges of sanity.
~
I have no fucking idea what just happened,
but now my room is empty of her mania
and I'll slip back into comfort,
just after I erase the image
of a mad woman smearing toxic paint on her pretty face.
but there's no shielding the heat from our faces.
Reds like blood and Oranges bursting like flame,
marked up madness pouring over every pore.
Certainly there are hopes dashed on the sidelines of this experience,
some other narrative pushed to the border.
Wild, though, passion ignited furiously;
spilling out, pushing past the edges of sanity.
~
I have no fucking idea what just happened,
but now my room is empty of her mania
and I'll slip back into comfort,
just after I erase the image
of a mad woman smearing toxic paint on her pretty face.
Thirst
Before the first touch... I am consumed by desire, rabid, obsessed with the taste I'd imagine your sweetness to exude. These bodies are heavy with sweat primed to spill into our writhing euphoria. Wrapping spines around skin, pulling you into the embrace that I push forth; becoming much more than one. For these few supple moments of premonition we are freed from the listless reality of finite embodiment. Fantasy commingles with expectation as I inhale your aching passion. I will take you until there is nothing left to give, hold you down to lift us up, scratch your flesh and make you feel. Deeper into my gaze, heavier into your breath, the blood rushes through your veins so that I might drink you in.
01001010111010101010101001010101101010101
glitched out wannabe, maybe you'd come home with me?
there's lots of glitter in the pocket of my plaid flannel sparkling.
giant chunks crunchin e pills in ecstasy,
though for a minute we looked past our biology
and talked aloud bout living free;
love not centered on the goals of procreation
but instead focused on channeling this vibration.
it could be real, fake, illusion bleeds into the known,
this dichotomy of plugging in when we're all born alone.
i trust in fate but believe nothing of it,
all i see in my eyes is a path that i covet.
there's lots of glitter in the pocket of my plaid flannel sparkling.
giant chunks crunchin e pills in ecstasy,
though for a minute we looked past our biology
and talked aloud bout living free;
love not centered on the goals of procreation
but instead focused on channeling this vibration.
it could be real, fake, illusion bleeds into the known,
this dichotomy of plugging in when we're all born alone.
i trust in fate but believe nothing of it,
all i see in my eyes is a path that i covet.
a sollicitudo pro virtus.
smiling through the tears,
finally sensing the next steps forward:
mercy, forgiveness, patience,
(i bless the life outside, i respect the life inside)
hope, understanding, endurance,
(hurtling forwards into the life ahead with virtue)
and a maintenance of self-respect.
it's gonna be hard going from here,
please believe that it will get better.
finally sensing the next steps forward:
mercy, forgiveness, patience,
(i bless the life outside, i respect the life inside)
hope, understanding, endurance,
(hurtling forwards into the life ahead with virtue)
and a maintenance of self-respect.
it's gonna be hard going from here,
please believe that it will get better.
and then the sun went out
there is an absence of light all around.
no, not darkness;
this is where light should have traveled.
i am enveloped,
raptured by black talons,
torn to pieces
in the silence of my screams.
Sometimes
Forgetful missings,
the repetitions of a year and half now behind me.
A most bizarre sense of duality:
seeing clearly our insurmountable incompatibility
(thank gaia for the burn alone, for the money that stays in my pocket, for the openness that i am blessed to retain, for the arguments I haven't had to have, for the words of a wicked woman that tore me into puddles of emasculated hopelessness, for the jealousy that no longer overwhelms my disposition, for that empty hope that I no longer have to strain to keep nestled against my heaving chest),
while also rationally perceiving what cherishments are now lacking
(somehow still pining for that distant bosom, for the adventure, for the intensity of endurances before unknown, for the sexual achievements of those two impassioned lycanthropes I clearly remember tearing into each other, for those moments when I did it right {the right song, the right words, the right apology, the right direction, the right lessons absorbed}, that fucking mouth drawing raw magic from my spine and toes, for the precarious energy that neither of us hesitated to embrace, for those fleeting moments when I could picture my own spawn emerging from the walls of her body {into the world, to learn, to teach, to just be goddam cute!}, for the memories).
There is no doubt necessary to understand that we both did it wrong. So much to learn about respecting and being respectable for both camps; it is overwhelming how much understanding is left to gain for us each.
I made countless mistakes myself; these stand out to me with more significance than any trespass that she left unhealed, for I know only one person that can be helped from my reflections.
I was outrageously unfaithful, weak by anyone's standards, impatient, too horny to function as a reasonable being, impulsive, and dishonest. There are few things I can imagine that I would not have done to get (back) into her sensual graces. I was a monster.
It's hard not to grin, looking back on so many times that I was just a complete fucking bastard. Silly bear, what was there to gain? This is no exercise in blame, though, for our combined energies were innately dangerous in enclosed circumstances. With enough pressure to burst or break under, I recall countless savage and primal flesh wounds enacted for reasons we may have not even known in the moment... I know I did not deserve respect, even though it was hard to resist asking for.
BUT...
I dont regret any of it. I forgive her. I forgive me (although I still deserve to be spanked horribly for a long time to come for some of my exploits).
I had an often unbearable weight of love in my soul for that human, and I wouldn't have it any other way. So I embrace this sense of simultaneous missing/repulsion that I now carry. It is fucking heavy, though!
But here I am, learning, loving anew, finding so much more to learn than I could have imagined. Gaia has been so kind to me. The shattering sound my heart made attracted new wonderful wolves to scarf me down.
Ah, it feels so good to get this out! Out! Out! Into the light of the moon, to dance in the flowered whispers of the greater spirits, I call you OUT!
I love this life, and hold great gratitude for the ride.
<3,
Bears
Anger Rests Deeply Upon A Bosom
Bad kids, fighting against the abuse inside.
Righteous heart that's trapped like bars on a cage.
Empty words,
Empty head.
Zealous,
Yet so vulnerable to apathy.
Inside of heated moments,
Searching for a clueless slob to devour.
Going in circles,
Only expectations to fulfill.
Nothing is left here to spoil
Except the future that you approach.
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