goooood fuckin luck

Antidote to
Never being enough for me
I will forgive her when I become equipped to
raspy glowing voice glides like sun-softened coconut oil from the quagmire of my fears
as I am pushed to accept that nothing will fill this hole for an indeterminable period
Fuck the mini bike
at 6am the whole world is alone
now the sky is peaking at the break of today
fucking garbage minded
phallus bashing
life smasher
you are the fire in which you burn
flesh melting off the bone
blackened husk
of a darkened soul
she returned from the island
pregnant with chaos
apparently logic is flammable

nothing could calm it
chilling sense of no return
our affections could not survive

i am grateful for the others
sex and attention can distract the pain
and get me far enough away

now there's a chance for healing
even when it gets lonely
better this than living a lie
She was already gone
in a soft pack of whys
like the glimmer of dawn
that lived deep in her eyes

Much better my heart
silenced facing the rest
than a quivering mind
and a long-spoken chest

She had always been gone
something fleeting and wrong

She had always been gone
to a fanciful place
to the eye, inner peace
spoken truth, inner hate

My body is old
with a definite wish
of a keep holding back
if a falling amiss

grand (dream)

the air quivers in delight
as my fingers find those precious keys that sing in harmony,
eyes closed, mind adrift,
in this darkened respite at the edge of some distant festivity

I remember the electric sense of reverberation
and my skin prickled and hair stood on end;
it was as though my body and mind had found
some predestined pathway to nirvana
in those intuitive intervals and notes
played for no one but my self.

the violence that might become (dream)

blasted from the sky, feeling the inertia without all the noise of moving this fast
plunked into shallow water that somehow cushions my vulgar impact
i belong to this creek now as i am washed away
until there is a light with an ominous context
i reach out with my voice and the light is extinguished as a form emerges from the shadows behind
as all inertia has taken form if only to creep me the fuck out
as i am flung into consciousness by some figment in my sleep

i don't belong here

the world is chauvinistic
and wants to dominate my smile

tiny golden glimpses between the fence
to validate something different

yet its all bullshit
just a distracting hopeless lunge down

im not that way,
or at least i dont know how to be

at least i'm lucky enough
to suffer only discomfort and confusion

there are lives and lines
that carve much deeper into such pain


Like two point blank shotgun blasts to the cranium,
each request left little to the imagination.
She had always been too quick, too brash
for him to keep up on any level she would allow;
and here it was,
drawn out for him on the mental equivalent of yellow snow,
the tumor-ridden husk of a once sanguine attraction
lying doubled over at the threshold of this tiny house.

She was free now
to chase the bigger and the better,
as her pleas had been fulfilled
by his total evacuation from
any shared plane of interaction.

He had forfeited the whole world to abscond,
even if it had been more her style
to participate in this mass delusion most call life.