To be honest, it does sting a bit to speak her name, though it also reminds me that this little sting is all that is left of the stab in my side. Healing happened without any pretensions. Now, a tiny little pinch on the corners of my hearts might not be so bad; stay awake, good sir, don't forget what you have righteously abandoned.
~
I realized something yesterday, and it punched right through my inebriated fog like a tidal wave amidst the sea:
I have found true and sacred love. It unfortunately has so far been held in the wicked winds of ones so corruptible and full of malevolence, but the heartwarmth itself stretches far beyond the grasps of those that seek its distortion. I dont love these human women, or at least I haven't yet. I am connected, instead, to the sweet supple Greater Spirit; Gaia finds her outlets in the tongues and hearts of all of us. I can most profoundly observe her web wrapped around the souls of those I share the most intimacy with, it seems.
~
I once put my hand to her chest and felt my raw, undistorted essence ripped like a sonic boom out into the ethers of existence. I see more clearly in this moment of reflection that this conduit I encountered was not one simply shared between two earth-bound vessels on the bed in my room; I believe something reached out to grab me, show me the stars up close, only to throw me back into the physical realm with the force of a thousand salty tears falling into an ocean of embers still glowing from fresh conquest.
~
Now to keep swimming, always onwards.
Flap you weary wings, my love,
and embark upon this magical realm
towards the light of new epiphanies.
<3
Always Wanting, Never to Understand
I feel that connection:
i hear it, taste it, sense it in ways i may never understand.
it provokes me,
kinks me,
tells me riddles without answer
until i can feel the rising urge to flee,
to say its not there,
to deny this sacred bond
and stay safe down here
invulnerable and distant.
My ego craves completion
and yet...
I am not finished here,
not complete nor in a state of understanding,
so my silly little cravings will have to wait
until some higher level math
equips me with the tools i have yet to learn.
i hear it, taste it, sense it in ways i may never understand.
it provokes me,
kinks me,
tells me riddles without answer
until i can feel the rising urge to flee,
to say its not there,
to deny this sacred bond
and stay safe down here
invulnerable and distant.
My ego craves completion
and yet...
I am not finished here,
not complete nor in a state of understanding,
so my silly little cravings will have to wait
until some higher level math
equips me with the tools i have yet to learn.
Mysteries of the Forwards Momentum
spiraling, teetering,
vanquished heart and eyes
falling upon such precious portals
before they're whisked away.
too too much is never enough
when the craving is for chaos;
it begins as a dance to conjure wholeness
only to dwindle into the other side
of a space kept in between.
aching, probing,
passion is pouring out
into a puddle
that collects beneath my bed at night.
vanquished heart and eyes
falling upon such precious portals
before they're whisked away.
too too much is never enough
when the craving is for chaos;
it begins as a dance to conjure wholeness
only to dwindle into the other side
of a space kept in between.
aching, probing,
passion is pouring out
into a puddle
that collects beneath my bed at night.
Roots that bind my feet, Fire that licks my skin
There is an intruder in my mind;
her skin is so soft
as she tells me that its not enough.
Another monster set loose upon the world,
though this one is mine.
Every move I make is followed
by inevitable doubt and
always always always
questioning.
Dissatisfaction like DMT
lifting us out of the atmospheric ego
into clouds that sink low behind the horizon.
Steeping my water into mud,
such bitter tea
that drinks me down.
Hate found its way inside.
When is time going to change?
I'm ready.
her skin is so soft
as she tells me that its not enough.
Another monster set loose upon the world,
though this one is mine.
Every move I make is followed
by inevitable doubt and
always always always
questioning.
Dissatisfaction like DMT
lifting us out of the atmospheric ego
into clouds that sink low behind the horizon.
Steeping my water into mud,
such bitter tea
that drinks me down.
Hate found its way inside.
When is time going to change?
I'm ready.
Sorcery to Quell the Bitter
I had just narrowly escaped the wrath of the Goddess of Libido
When these sun-scorched eyes beheld a vision of another entity just inside the scene.
A well traveled skin holding tightly to such raw sensuality;
perhaps too few hands had grasped greedily for what innocence laid below.
Our minds found a quick conduit into an intellectual dimension
Whose infinite potentials held great promise
As the words danced from our tongues into a glorious synthesis of new hopes and the quest for harmony.
I felt a flutter yet unknown within this head of mine:
New ground covered by the whimsical assumptions I could not refrain from constructing.
I saw pure white light coursing through our naked shining bodies as we danced in fields untouched by plow or mind.
Another chance at purity so quickly followed my rejection from harmony
That it almost breathed the name of the Great Fate
And I'm tingling, hoping that this delusion is no less real than any other.
When these sun-scorched eyes beheld a vision of another entity just inside the scene.
A well traveled skin holding tightly to such raw sensuality;
perhaps too few hands had grasped greedily for what innocence laid below.
Our minds found a quick conduit into an intellectual dimension
Whose infinite potentials held great promise
As the words danced from our tongues into a glorious synthesis of new hopes and the quest for harmony.
I felt a flutter yet unknown within this head of mine:
New ground covered by the whimsical assumptions I could not refrain from constructing.
I saw pure white light coursing through our naked shining bodies as we danced in fields untouched by plow or mind.
Another chance at purity so quickly followed my rejection from harmony
That it almost breathed the name of the Great Fate
And I'm tingling, hoping that this delusion is no less real than any other.
Surfriction of Aptitude
A sudden surge of clarity, as though my brain just came online for the first time in ages. I feel the great potential within that I once held with so much faith. A lot has happened since my first rebirth to cloud my intellect and self-confidence. My intelligence is not lost, not yet; not by a long shot.
I now recall the inner-echo: I can rise to any occasion without faltering impotently.
Has it really been that long since I last felt capable of enduring any challenge I might face? Have the bitter poisons of love and loss truly exiled me from myself to this distance?
No neat ending to this one, folks, for I must clammor on and keep moving; ahead, forwards, onwards, up and out... Life will not dissect such ambiguities, nor will I in this case.
I now recall the inner-echo: I can rise to any occasion without faltering impotently.
Has it really been that long since I last felt capable of enduring any challenge I might face? Have the bitter poisons of love and loss truly exiled me from myself to this distance?
No neat ending to this one, folks, for I must clammor on and keep moving; ahead, forwards, onwards, up and out... Life will not dissect such ambiguities, nor will I in this case.
Brahman's Restoration
I am an eye
searching consistently for epiphany
yet concurrently,
I blindly have believed what appears to be.
My vision becomes a religion,
embellished by minds that are not like mine,
constructions that define the world that they find,
someone else's broken paradigm.
my senses ominously
shift my intuition to accept the slavery,
this constant subjugation by a corrupt society.
ah, and its so much easier to fade lazily
into a jaded state escaping entropy
building ignorant beliefs out of in-betweens,
and what might soon be.
Then again, those with choice only believe that they're free.
~
Hegel claims that consciousness is desire;
the craving, thirst enslaving quest for fire
that ignites the tongues of liars
to project this conspiracy.
As the social mind injects my self with conditioned needs
I lose my sacred dignity.
As a member of the greater flow
my contribution is what i know
before identity can be born
and wrapped within my ego's scorn.
I have a chance to shift the view
of who we are and what we do.
And if your voice would speak with mine,
in harmony with the divine
we'd change the words that we pass down,
the hopes we'll hope, the dreams we've found;
together you and I can build
a higher consciousness that is fulfilled
by each of us that lasts until
an even-higher goal can test our will.
And it starts right. now. with us:
With the rejection of outmoded fallacies
through the election of a stronger mentality
spawning freedom from the malady
of a lost potentiality.
We can work towards the escape
from inequality, ignorance, and hate.
It's early, it is not too late
to choose a different kind of fate.
We were put here to save the next wave
of parents, learners, scholars and burners,
those who will compile their perspectives
from our actions as a collective.
This is a revolution of the mind
that reconnects us to our spines
in the hope that we might find
a balance in our hearts aligned.
searching consistently for epiphany
yet concurrently,
I blindly have believed what appears to be.
My vision becomes a religion,
embellished by minds that are not like mine,
constructions that define the world that they find,
someone else's broken paradigm.
my senses ominously
shift my intuition to accept the slavery,
this constant subjugation by a corrupt society.
ah, and its so much easier to fade lazily
into a jaded state escaping entropy
building ignorant beliefs out of in-betweens,
and what might soon be.
Then again, those with choice only believe that they're free.
~
Hegel claims that consciousness is desire;
the craving, thirst enslaving quest for fire
that ignites the tongues of liars
to project this conspiracy.
As the social mind injects my self with conditioned needs
I lose my sacred dignity.
As a member of the greater flow
my contribution is what i know
before identity can be born
and wrapped within my ego's scorn.
I have a chance to shift the view
of who we are and what we do.
And if your voice would speak with mine,
in harmony with the divine
we'd change the words that we pass down,
the hopes we'll hope, the dreams we've found;
together you and I can build
a higher consciousness that is fulfilled
by each of us that lasts until
an even-higher goal can test our will.
And it starts right. now. with us:
With the rejection of outmoded fallacies
through the election of a stronger mentality
spawning freedom from the malady
of a lost potentiality.
We can work towards the escape
from inequality, ignorance, and hate.
It's early, it is not too late
to choose a different kind of fate.
We were put here to save the next wave
of parents, learners, scholars and burners,
those who will compile their perspectives
from our actions as a collective.
This is a revolution of the mind
that reconnects us to our spines
in the hope that we might find
a balance in our hearts aligned.
Contradictions and other Non-Opposites
I'm swimming... I am the water.
I am confused
Down below the bubbles
(those toxic tensions rising towards the air above),
we all still float, sink, and hold our cherished breath beneath the skin.
She is a shark, a serpent's kiss, a rogue molten jet of aqueous lava
boiling the water until it bathes us little fish with fire.
I am underneath the surface
unable to swim
even for my life.
I am confused
Down below the bubbles
(those toxic tensions rising towards the air above),
we all still float, sink, and hold our cherished breath beneath the skin.
She is a shark, a serpent's kiss, a rogue molten jet of aqueous lava
boiling the water until it bathes us little fish with fire.
I am underneath the surface
unable to swim
even for my life.
My Greatest Moment Yet:
Making love by the light of the full moon whilst juggling alligators in tiny rocket ships brought back from the future to liberate our minds with the healing power of advanced alien lazer-beam gumbo which often comes with an unfortunately small side of corn bread that was baked in the wood-fire oven of a particularly ornery ex-Tony Danza impersonator who evidently is unable to return the many messages i have left him since that first romantic evening that he held me to his remarkably tender and supple bosom until I felt like I was back in the womb again, though only for a moment.
Narcosis
Deep slumber
dreaming of the weight of waking
returning
for that bittersweet feel
until my soul dissolves
like the veins of a junkie
love like a needle
words like the blackest tar
rushing towards my defenseless mind
at the speed of my heart's contractions
same destiny
different path
under my skin
dreaming of the weight of waking
returning
for that bittersweet feel
until my soul dissolves
like the veins of a junkie
love like a needle
words like the blackest tar
rushing towards my defenseless mind
at the speed of my heart's contractions
same destiny
different path
under my skin
fleeting moment as i'd seen you
pass out and then i'll die here.
everything inside
the silence that opens us.
felt feeling with kiss before,
except I had not
yet been in such moments.
spoken word, empty thought, as
the tensions rise we
crumble like the flesh we are.
L Dmt
Watching an explosion at a distance
but there's no shielding the heat from our faces.
Reds like blood and Oranges bursting like flame,
marked up madness pouring over every pore.
Certainly there are hopes dashed on the sidelines of this experience,
some other narrative pushed to the border.
Wild, though, passion ignited furiously;
spilling out, pushing past the edges of sanity.
~
I have no fucking idea what just happened,
but now my room is empty of her mania
and I'll slip back into comfort,
just after I erase the image
of a mad woman smearing toxic paint on her pretty face.
but there's no shielding the heat from our faces.
Reds like blood and Oranges bursting like flame,
marked up madness pouring over every pore.
Certainly there are hopes dashed on the sidelines of this experience,
some other narrative pushed to the border.
Wild, though, passion ignited furiously;
spilling out, pushing past the edges of sanity.
~
I have no fucking idea what just happened,
but now my room is empty of her mania
and I'll slip back into comfort,
just after I erase the image
of a mad woman smearing toxic paint on her pretty face.
Thirst
Before the first touch... I am consumed by desire, rabid, obsessed with the taste I'd imagine your sweetness to exude. These bodies are heavy with sweat primed to spill into our writhing euphoria. Wrapping spines around skin, pulling you into the embrace that I push forth; becoming much more than one. For these few supple moments of premonition we are freed from the listless reality of finite embodiment. Fantasy commingles with expectation as I inhale your aching passion. I will take you until there is nothing left to give, hold you down to lift us up, scratch your flesh and make you feel. Deeper into my gaze, heavier into your breath, the blood rushes through your veins so that I might drink you in.
01001010111010101010101001010101101010101
glitched out wannabe, maybe you'd come home with me?
there's lots of glitter in the pocket of my plaid flannel sparkling.
giant chunks crunchin e pills in ecstasy,
though for a minute we looked past our biology
and talked aloud bout living free;
love not centered on the goals of procreation
but instead focused on channeling this vibration.
it could be real, fake, illusion bleeds into the known,
this dichotomy of plugging in when we're all born alone.
i trust in fate but believe nothing of it,
all i see in my eyes is a path that i covet.
there's lots of glitter in the pocket of my plaid flannel sparkling.
giant chunks crunchin e pills in ecstasy,
though for a minute we looked past our biology
and talked aloud bout living free;
love not centered on the goals of procreation
but instead focused on channeling this vibration.
it could be real, fake, illusion bleeds into the known,
this dichotomy of plugging in when we're all born alone.
i trust in fate but believe nothing of it,
all i see in my eyes is a path that i covet.
a sollicitudo pro virtus.
smiling through the tears,
finally sensing the next steps forward:
mercy, forgiveness, patience,
(i bless the life outside, i respect the life inside)
hope, understanding, endurance,
(hurtling forwards into the life ahead with virtue)
and a maintenance of self-respect.
it's gonna be hard going from here,
please believe that it will get better.
finally sensing the next steps forward:
mercy, forgiveness, patience,
(i bless the life outside, i respect the life inside)
hope, understanding, endurance,
(hurtling forwards into the life ahead with virtue)
and a maintenance of self-respect.
it's gonna be hard going from here,
please believe that it will get better.
meditation
spiral in, spiral out
digging down, floating up
take my hand, push me in
freedom waits on the other side
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